i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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