Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
