yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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