You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
