i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
