Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
