Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
