Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
