Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
