I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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