i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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