I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
