I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
