I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
