Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
