nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
