omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
