I'm really into asian looking animals
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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