stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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