But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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