i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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