I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
