We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
