standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
