i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
