So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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