Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
