By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
