She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
