you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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