how can u be prego again
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize