Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
