Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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