pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
