I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
