shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
