2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
