The maid of honor just puked.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
