I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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