He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
