I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my being single is dangerous.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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