i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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