Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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