Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
