that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have surprise drugs for everyone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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