All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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