If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
