Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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