i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
