So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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