So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
