he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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