I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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