I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
