Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I want is dick and wine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
