there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
