Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
