She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
