even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
