Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
