who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
