my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sobbing to NWA
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
