In the future we'll all be gay
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
