This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
