porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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