you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
