guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
