Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
