wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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