Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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