i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
