her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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