This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
