Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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