I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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