after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
