two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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